nevvzealand:

why is every donut not in my mouth right now

longlivesherlock:

whorville:

whorville:

Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?

The C

I FUCKING GET IT NOW IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINS

(Source: hairyrussian)

(Source: smoke-til-my-eyes-bleed)

cicadagod:

wtf look at this rectangle cow 

trillow:

if we’d developed particle weapons during the ronald reagan era we could have called them ronald rayguns but we fucked that up just like everything else

shutupmerlin:

My grandmother grew up in this tiny village in Barbados, and she was the only kid in the village to have a cricket bat. She used to play with all the boys, but then they started stealing the bat every time she bought it out of the house and saying that she couldn’t play because girls shouldn’t play sport. So one day she invited them to come play cricket, then set fire to the bat and made them watch it burn, so none of them could play cricket anymore. She was 11.   

bryko:

bryko:

how the fuck does Old Man Jenkins weigh 250 pounds if Spongebob weighs 1 ounce

(Source: oolongs)

pontmercyanide:

some flowers just arrived for my sister but my mom thought they were for me.

and so she asked if they were from henry and of course i asked what the hell she was talking about

and she was like “henry, the boy you’re always talking about.”

she meant henry david thoreau.

i quote henry david thoreau so much my mom thought henry david thoreau was my boyfriend

deucebowl:

How the FUCK am I supposed to have a good day when 28% of Americans aren’t getting enough fiber?

ehating:

Today I tamed a wild ostrich and what did you do with your day?? Nothing, that’s what.

hoshigumayuugi:

i actually like being up early i just don’t like getting up early

zackisontumblr:

if you ever have children you could introduce them to people by saying hey wanna see what i made